You do not need to feel alone – talk to any one of our helpline professionals.
We are here to help guide and support you through any choice you need to make.
Here’s the very first thing you need to know about anal sex: it’s is not the kind of thing you want to rush into.
Anal sex, without the proper preparation, can be painful, risky and unpleasant. However, if you know what to expect and you prepare yourself properly, you may actually enjoy it – after all, plenty of people do!
Before you get down to the deed, here are five critical ways to warm up.
Five things to do before you have anal sex for the first time
1. Talk, talk, talk
You and your partner need to be able to trust each other completely before you go down this road. It takes patience, care and gentleness to create an enjoyable – or at least not terrible – first time anal sex experience for the recipient. And yes: your first time may not be fun. Your first few times, in fact, may be quite uncomfortable. Which is why it’s so important to do it with someone who’ll treat you with care.
2. Always lube up
We can’t over-stress this: use plenty of water-based lubricant – even more than you think necessary. Unlike the vagina, the anus is not self-lubricating, so you need to provide loads of moisture yourself. Lube won’t only help you avoid discomfort but could also increase your pleasure and satisfaction.
3. Use protection. We repeat: use protection
Anal sex is one of the riskiest types of intercourse because, as mentioned above, the anus isn’t a self-lubricating body part. This means that it’s susceptible to tearing during sex – and tears, as you know, lead to bleeding.
Any time bodily fluids or blood are exchanged, you’re exposing yourself to the risk of HIV and other STIs. Always use protection when you’re having anal sex, whether as a straight or gay couple, and even if you’re using a sex toy rather than a penis.
Bottom line: unless you’re 100% sure of your partner’s status and that you’re both monogamous, never ejaculate into their anus or allow them to do it to you.
If you do it slowly and with plenty of lube, anal sex shouldn’t hurt. Get used to the sensation by asking your partner to insert their finger first, or to use their tongue (don’t forget protection!) or a small sex toy.
Spoiler alert: it will feel like there’s something strange in your butt. Even the first several times may just feel odd. However, as you relax and get accustomed to the sensation, you may suddenly start to experience a whole new type of pleasure that adds a new element to your sex life.
Important: at this stage, your partner should be inserting only the tip of their tongue, finger, penis or sex toy. That way, you get used to the feeling without experiencing discomfort. Also, going ‘all the way in’ too soon will probably make you feel like you need to go to the toilet – not the sexiest sensation!
5. Don’t cross-contaminate
The easiest way to get a UTI is by spreading germs from the anus to the vagina. Make sure that any toys or body parts inserted into the anus are properly cleaned before being inserted into the vagina. Always wash well with clean water (and a mild soap if you must) before and after anal sex, and never mix anal with vaginal or oral sex.
Butt first, get tested
The best thing you can do before having anal sex for the first time is get tested with your partner. At Marie Stopes, we offer quick, confidential STI and HIV screening, plus a wide range of protection options. The safer you are, the better the sex will be.
Source: Marie Stopes South Africa (Safe Abortion and Post Abortion Family Planning)
CONFIDENTIALITY. We guarantee your rights to confidentiality during your pregnancy.
All personal information submitted remains private and confidential.
Ask a question
Your email address will remain confidential. Required fields are marked.